Call me Zoe or Caps. I'm a cishet, incredibly white Mortuary Science Major with green hair. Interested in cosplay, books, the internet, and vidya. I hate the public transit system. Snap: X-RayHip
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so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
“I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
“You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
“You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to helpyou leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
If you haven’t already heard, Trump went on Fox News and announced that he is likely going to pardon Joe Arpaio.
“I might do it right away, maybe early this week. I am seriously thinking about it,” Trump said, according to Fox News. He said Arpaio was a “great American patriot” who had “done a lot in the fight against illegal immigration.”
“Is there anyone in local law enforcement who has done more to crack down on illegal immigration than Sheriff Joe?” Trump said, according to Fox News. “He has protected people from crimes and saved lives. He doesn’t deserve to be treated this way.”
Here’s a casual reminder what this “great patriot” has done:
In 2008 & 2010 a federal judge found that his jailed violated the constitutional rights of inmates when it came to medical care related issues.
He set up tent city, which he loving describes as a “concentration camp.” The jail has been noted for its human rights violations and constitutional rights violations.
Arpaio has been sued for feeding inmates in his jail moldy, expired, and contaminated food and for housing inmates in conditions so hot and overcrowded that it endangered their health.
Arpaio and his sheriff offices have reported faulty criminal investigation statistics to federal authorities in 75% of its cases to boost his performance rating and clearance numbers. This is done by reporting cases as “solved” without investigating them.
Some of those cases that were “solved” without proper investigation include the rape of a 14 year old girl by her classmates and the rape of a 15 year old girl by two men whose case was closed before the DNA testing was even complete.
He failed to have hundreds of other sex crimes investigated and failed to investigate 32 child molestations. To make it worse, almost all the child molestation cases had known suspects and most the victims happened to be children of undocumented immigrants.
A court has found that he politically abuses his power and he has allegedly abused his power to go after journalists, ACLU attorneys, and AZ politicians.
He has been fined for violating Arizona elections laws.
In 2011 it was found that Arpaio had misspent $100 million in jail funds in just 5 years. For him and his deputies, this includes vacations, trips to Disneyland, expensive meals, and staying in luxury hotels.
Framed an innocent man for an assassination attempt on himself, which almost sent the man to jail for 20 years. A jury later found that it had been an elaborate publicity stunt to boost Arpaio’s reelection bid. Arpaio was sued for wrongful arrest and entrapment by the man which he settled for $1.6 million.
So much racial profiling that the Department of Justice investigated him and found that he has “a pervasive culture of discriminatory bias against Latinos” that “reaches the highest levels of the agency.” They also concluded that he engages in “unconstitutional policing” and that he committed some of the worst patterns of racial profiling in U.S. history.
But yeah he’s such a great guy and totally doesn’t deserve to ever see any punishment whatsoever because he’s a patriot or whatever. Fuck you, Trump.
Trump did not think that he took to long to release a statement on Charlottesville and his excuse was that he didn’t want to make a quick statement so he can get all the facts. But remember that he DID make a quick statement, and his most recent one that took so long was due to the backlash of the initial one. You know, the one where he blamed both sides and refused to call white supremacy by name.
He thinks that he is bringing the country together and fixing race relations because he’s “created over a million jobs since I’m president. The country is booming, the stock market is setting records. We have the highest employment numbers we’ve ever had in the history of our country. We’re doing record business. We have the highest levels of enthusiasm.“
He was asked several times if the event was terrorism to which he responded “Well, I think the driver of the car is a disgrace to himself, his family and this country, and that is … you can call it terrorism. You can call it murder. You can call it whatever you want. I would just call it as the fastest one to come up with a good verdict. That’s what I’d call it. Because there is a question. Is it murder? Is it terrorism? And then you get into legal semantics.” Ok then…
When asked about Steve Bannon Trump wanted everyone to know that Bannon is “a good man,” and “not a racist,” and that the press is very unfair to him.
Trump got defensive about the term “alt-right” and egged on the reporters to attempt to define it for him. He then blamed the “alt-left” for charging at the “alt-right” in Charlottesville and asked “Do they have any semblance of guilt.” He then said the group on one side was bad (neo-nazis) but the group on the other side was also bad, didn’t have a permit, and were “very violent."
Trump then starts to DEFEND THE SIDE WITH NEO-NAZIS AND WHITE SUPREMACISTS! He goes on that "Not all of those people were white supremacists, by any stretch,” and they were simply there to protest the taking down of Robert E. Lee’s statue. When the reporter later tells Trump that the neo-nazis came to Charlottesville to do just that, Trump said “you have some very bad people in that group, but you also had people that were very fine people on both sides.” He then said that there were many people on the side of the white supremacists who weren’t actually white supremacists and they are being treated “absolutely unfairly.”
“It looked like they had some rough, bad people: neo-Nazis, white nationalists, whatever you want to call them. But you had a lot of people in that group that were there to innocently protest.”
A reporter asked Trump outright “Do you support white nationalists, then?” As a response, Trump got defensive about George Washington being a slave owner and Thomas Jefferson being a slave owner, and asked if we’re going to start taking their statues down. He then said by taking the statues down, like Robert E. Lee’s, we are “changing history,” and “changing culture,” somehow.
When asked if he is going to visit Charlottesville and help heal the nation, Trump went on to talk about his property in the town. “I own a house in Charlottesville. Does anyone know I own a house in Charlottesville? Oh, boy, it’s going to be- it’s in Charlottesville, you’ll see. It’s a- it is the winery” … “I own- I own actually one of the largest wineries in the United States that’s in Charlottesville.” Yep…
You’re telling me there has been a Gay Island this ENTIRE TIME and I’m only just finding out about it????
WHAT
okay, but not enough people know the details on this. people at pride were upset about gay rights in australia. so they decided to sail 200 miles into the coral sea just ‘cause and put a rainbow flag on a fucking empty island out of spite. and i’m talking empty. no inhabitants. zero. it was a flat piece of land with a bit of dry grass. now it has a camp site and a post office.
they have a declaration of independence that talks a bit about gay rights and then just flat out copies the “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” part from the american declaration of independence. and here’s the best part: the founding group actually elected their emperor. he was originally going to be called the “administrator” of a republic. their website, however, says that “upon legal advice, his title was changed to that of Sovereign on the grounds that under Australian law a defacto prince trying to claim his crown cannot be charged with treason”. so they made it a kingdom and he now claims to be a descendent of edward ii.
everything about this is glorious and everyone should know about it.
Pakistan has passed two landmark bills that, for the first time ever, secure the rights of transgender people in the country.
On Tuesday, the National Assembly cleared the Transgender Persons (Protection of Rights) Bill 2017 as well as a legislation that will make amendments to the Pakistan Penal Code (PPC) and Code of Criminal Procedure (CrPC).
The bills are set to expand the definition of a trans person in the country, to include “any person whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the society norms and cultural expectations based on the sex they were assigned at the time of their birth”, Pakistani media outlet, Dawn, reported.
The amendment bill will make it illegal to prevent trans people in Pakistan from inheriting property, unlawfully evict them from any establishment or deny them entry to educational institutions.
While the rights bill will officially recognize an individual’s gender identity as they perceive it, and will also guarantee all fundamental rights outlined in the Constitution. It also seeks to codify key rights such as the right to hold public office and the right to vote.
This is the first ever legal ruling aimed at enshrining trans rights in Pakistan, curbed only by a 2011 Supreme Court of Pakistan which ruled that passports and computerized national identity cards (CNICs) should include a column for trans people.
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5:27pm
July 4, 2018
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